She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
