the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
