Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
