this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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