I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize