try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
