Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
