Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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