did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
