This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
