her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
