I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
