I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
