I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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