We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
