I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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