He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
