You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
