We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
