You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's the barista slut.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
