I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
