Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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