Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
