there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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