You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
