my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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