How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
