I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
