i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
