I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
