chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
