Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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