There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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