I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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