If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
