I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
