the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
