Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
