so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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