Yo dont text me then not text me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
