I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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