New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
