she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
