So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
