Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
