so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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