Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
