Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
