apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
