I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
