I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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