is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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