mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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