New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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