Moan for me like Helen Keller
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
