Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
