she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He has the fingertips of a God
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
