Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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