'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
