Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
