Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
